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You’ve fallen in love. You’re in a relationship. Maybe you’re engaged.
But you have doubts. We all do. Is he worth it? Will it work out? Is he really the guy you think he is? Is he right for you?
Something I’ve learned is that you can’t be fully prepared or “know what you’re getting into” when you get married. But you can know that he’s worth it. You’ll know that by the way the Lord has clearly given him to you.
Signs like these demonstrate that the Lord is joining you together- what better tailor to fit you together than the Lord?
He Isn’t What You Expected
We all dream about our “Mr. Right.” It’s normal to have an idea –a type, even. But when it comes to the Lord’s provision, we’re often surprised.
Your beau is part of the Lord’s provision, and that probably means he isn’t what you expected. There’s a good reason for that: many of the expectations we develop on our own are about us and what we like!
You can dream all day long about the wonderful things he’ll do that you love. But you probably aren’t thinking about the things he’ll love about you. Chances are haven’t wistfully daydreamed about his weaknesses, his family’s background, or the things that have shaped him most. Further- did you imagine all the ways he would challenge you? Because being challenged is part of helping each other grow (Proverbs 27:17).
When you grow in love with your guy, you get to deal with a lot of “unexpecteds.” That’s part of love, life, and growth. It keeps things interesting and helps you to remember that he’s his own person, made and loved by the Lord, on a journey that’s unique to him. That’s good!
His “Resume” Doesn’t Compare to His Character
Have you ever made a checklist of things you’d like to “have in a husband?” Or met a guy and then told your friends how he would be perfect for you because he…likes the same things, has similar values, is going to be a_____….yeah. You know how it goes.
But here’s the thing: over time, you guy’s “resume” is going to change. It’s going to shift. And it’s only going to qualify him for performing certain tasks.
What matters much, much more, is his character. Is he a man of integrity? That will matter more when challenges come up than his love of basketball. Does he have immense compassion? You’ll appreciate that in an argument more than his intellect. Talent is a gift, but it’s a means to an end.
The Lord looks at the heart, have you? (1 Samuel 16:7)
You Two Have Argued –and Argued Well
Fighting is inevitable. It’s a part of marriage you can’t avoid. The good news is that arguments can be constructive. Through respectful disagreement, you can truly sharpen each other and grow in the Lord.
Unfortunately, many couples get so enthralled with the lovey-feelings that they never really argue before they commit for life. So, when arguments inevitable arise, the couple faces questions like “is this worth it?”, “Is there something wrong with us?”, “is our marriage over?” and “does he/she still love me?”
One of the most valuable things you can do before deciding to spend your life with a guy is to fight with him. When you disagree, let him know. When you think “well, that will change…” tackle it then and there instead. Talk about your tempers and examine your argument styles. In the process, figure out if he is someone that you can respectfully challenge and work things out with. Can you be angry at each other without turning to or driving each other to sin? (Ephesians 4:26)
Neither of You Feel Like You Have to Try to be Enough
When you face challenges or look for happiness, do you feel like he is responsible for your joy or for finding solutions? Does it seem like he expects you to fill in for his mom or make everything better or live up to some wild expectations?
It’s easy in love to take on responsibilities that aren’t yours. In the process, you displace the rightful place of the Lord in your lives and your relationship (Proverbs 3:5). Consider whether or not your beau ultimately relies on God, and if he encourages you to do the same. Entering a relationship founded on the dysfunctional patterns of dependency on each other instead of God is reckless and can have a lot of painful consequences.
When You Talk About Him, You End Up Talking About the Lord
If you are talking to your parents, family, or friends about your beau, what do you have to say? Is your love the kind of man that propels conversation to the love of the Lord and the Lord’s work?
Men of God exhibit fruits of the Spirit. They are in the Word, and they submit to the Lord’s leading in their lives. If you’ve found a man of God, you won’t be able to share much about Him without sharing about the one who has his heart!
- Shine the light of Christ before others? (Matthew 5:16)
- Rightly handle the Word of truth? (2 Timothy 2:15)
- Exhibit the fruit of the Spirit? (Galatians 5:22)
- Make the best use of time? (Colossians 4:5)