Can You Be Lonely and In Love?

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You’ve got 500 Facebook friends and 1,000 followers on Twitter. You’re in love, you’re engaged, you’re married, you’re a parent, you’re active at church. Your co-workers share their stories with you, you’ve got friends you can count on and a family that needs you.

And you’re lonely.

It seems ridiculous, but you are.

So you seek deeper connections, you check your priorities, you examine your heart. You “build bridges not walls” and get married and do all the other things we’re told will solve our loneliness.

But moments of loneliness still come, and still make you feel desperate.

The desperation isn’t just yours. It’s all over the news, the internet, and social media pages. Loneliness leaves its mark on many a tragedy and destroys many relationships.

Somehow, we’re all lonely together. And we’re dying to have it be any other way.

But it won’t be.

Regardless of the relationships you have, the work that you do, and the efforts that you make, you’re going to feel lonely sometimes.

I won’t say that’s okay. But loneliness is important because loneliness reminds us of a couple of truths we tend to readily dismiss.

Loneliness tells us:

  • You’re not enough.
  • Your spouse isn’t enough.
  • Your family and friends aren’t enough.
  • They –whoever they may be- aren’t enough.
  • It isn’t enough, whatever it is that you try to do to avoid loneliness.
  • Nothing can be done that will be enough.

Nothing in your power, or theirs…

That’s all true.

And you need to know it. I need to know it. Because we need to reach that point of realizing insufficiency day after day to actually remember the one who is sufficient. We must be convicted of our own inadequacies before we will look to the one who is perfect in total submission.

It’s often in our loneliness that we:

  • Realize (again!) that only God fully knows us, our loved ones, and everything else.
  • Realize that we are created to be in His presence, and won’t be complete until He brings us to Himself and makes it so in heaven.
  • Cannot expect those around us to be gods or to do what only God can do.
  • Are relieved of false expectations and pressures to enjoy the freedom of assurance in Christ.
  • Grow quiet enough to listen to Him humbly and take refuge in Him-as He is and not as we would like Him to be for our glory.

When we get lonely and let it be so, our dispositions toward our relationships with God, with others, with priorities, etc., are often revitalized.

It’s no wonder that in the midst of 1 Corinthians chapters 12 and 13, while speaking of unity, of all members having a part, and of true love that Paul says:

 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” -1 Cor 13:12

Reflections portray what’s real, but they can’t interact, they can’t get to the depths of what is –they are limited. That’s how loneliness feels. As if you know what’s real, you know your loving relationships are real. But there are depths you just can’t reach and limits you just can’t surpass.

The day is coming. You will see Jesus face to face. You will understand. You will be as God intended in the first place, able to be before Him and others without any shame, just as you are. Fully known. Unconditionally loved.

That’s how He sees you right now –not a reflection of your soul, but your whole self. Let that be enough to get you through the lonely moments, the lonely nights and years. Jesus knows. God’s here. Right now. The loneliness will end, but in the meantime, let it draw you closer to the perfect love of the Lord.

Think on these things:


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