5 Uncomfortable Questions You Should Discuss in Pre-Marital Counseling

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As you prepare for marriage, there are some topics that remain awkward. A lot of people assume that the uncomfortable subjects will just sort of “work out” when marriage begins.

In Pre-Marital counseling, couples get to sit and address subjects that, while maybe a little uncomfortable, are really important to agree on before binding together for life.

Check out these 5 common but awkward questions that you really need to address before you say “I do.”

  1. What do you expect out of your physical relationship?

Imagine if, a few days into your honeymoon, you have yet to enjoy sex? Or, two years into your marriage, you’re still embarrassed by the word and feel like you’re doing something wrong. What if you feel like you never have privacy and you desire it?

Feelings like these tend to arise –and go sorely unaddressed- when couples don’t know how to talk about their physical relationship and don’t know what’s normal. Talking about sex in Pre-Marital counseling can help lay the ground work for a healthier sex life once you’re married. You’ll learn more about what to expect and about each other’s desires. Many counselors will also offer some wisdom about developing your sexual relationship lovingly.

  1. What do you struggle with concerning each other’s families?

Maybe you know he thinks your family is a little overwhelming. But do you know how that will affect your marriage? Have you talked about ways to make him feel more comfortable? “He’ll have to just get used to it” isn’t a good answer.

In marriage, the two of you are creating your own family. You’ll be bringing your own expectations and ideas from your families into your marriage, though. At the same time, you’ll be joining each other’s families. Discussing concerns together with a counselor will help you both to respectfully get on the same page as you unite for life.

  1. What is your plan for leaving and cleaving?

As you form your own family and identity as a couple, you’ll be following God’s plan for “leaving and cleaving.” It may be harder than you think. Boundaries take time and commitment to develop, and when you set them they also take time and commitment to create intentionally.

The process of making each other your first priority after the Lord can be emotionally tasking, frightening, and difficult. Moving away, adjusting to life together…that can all be rough. Don’t shy away or hurry through counseling concerning leaving and cleaving. You’ll be glad you laid the ground work ahead of time!

  1. What do you fight about now and what do you think you’ll fight about when you’re married?

So sitting down with a third party and talking about your fights seems a little melodramatic, right? Your counselor knows, as the two of you need to, that everyone fights. Arguing is healthy and necessary for the building up of your marriage.

Take the time to talk about your fights when you’re not in the midst of them. You can develop strategies to ensure that you fight fair and lay ground rules so that arguments are for the sake of your marriage and not against it. A third party can help give you seasoned advice and point out patterns that he or she notices before they become marital issues.

  1. How do you build each other up in the Lord?

Entering into marriage doesn’t excuse you from glorifying, obeying, and loving the Lord first and foremost. Paul points out that marriage can easily distract from your faith though –“But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided…I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.” -1 Corinthians 7:33-35

There is a right away to live undivided in devotion to the Lord, and it’s to live unified in Him. Figure out in marriage counseling before you’re bound for life (or just facing the trials of marriage head-on) how you can build each other up in the Lord and how you might need to work to keep from distracting each other from the One who matters most (to you, you, and your marriage!)

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