Character Traits to Keep an Eye On

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You’ve started thinking he might be a guy worth dating…or marrying. Maybe you’re engaged and the question pops up in pre-marital counseling. Or, perhaps you’re married and you’re starting to ask: what kind of person is he? Further, what kind of person are you?

Character matters. The Lord makes each of us with a unique personality, and He works in us to develop and hone character traits that glorify Him. But some character traits seem iffy. A blessing and a curse, as some say.

It’s important to talk with your significant other about strengths and weaknesses, including in your character. Be prepared to uphold and encourage certain traits with the wisdom that your character (and his!) can easily shift just a bit to be out of line.

Spot some subtle key differences between traits that the Lord prospers and those He warns against:

Carefree Vs. Careless

How relieving and revitalizing it can be to spend time with someone who is carefree! You know that with a carefree person, you can expect to have fun, experience joy, and feel freedom to just…be.

The trouble comes when carefree is actually careless. A careless person moves from enjoying freedoms to abusing them. Neglecting responsibility, stewardship, or wisdom, a careless person is “all good” until the good runs out and he is left wondering why.

Confident Vs. Prideful

There’s a fine line here. Confidence can make you bold, give your courage, and equip to you to obey and follow the Lord. Pride looks much the same, except that pride doesn’t come from trusting in the Lord, but trusting in oneself.

Likewise, you can recognize a prideful character by what they do with their gain: is it to glorify the Lord and shared among loved ones humbly, or saved for oneself under the auspices of “prosperity” and “building up” something “for” instead of “in” the Lord?

Loyal Vs. Dependent

Hard to come to grips with, it’s possible for loyalty to go too far. A person who sticks by you is precious like a brother (Proverbs 18:24). Unfortunately, a person whose sense of self, worth, and purpose is enmeshed with yours is quick to lay a trap for your feet, as with flattery (Proverbs 29:5). Invite loyal friends who care so much for you that they recognize your fallibility and sharpen you instead.

Easygoing Vs. Lazy

“Live quietly” 1 Thessalonians 4:11 says. An easygoing person is like that, minding their own business, pursuing peace, and happy to humbly follow. The verse continues though, “work with your own hands.” Beign relaxed isn’t an excuse for putting everything onto others. Even the easygoing person must give account to God and do his own work.

Outspoken Vs. Aggressive

Like confidence, being outspoken has its place. The outspoken can be the clearest communicators, great proclaimers of the Lord’s truth, and fine examples of the Lord’s honing process (see: the Apostle Peter.)

When outspokenness becomes aggressive, however, it goes beyond fruitful boldness and zeal, taking on qualities of “I know best” and “my way or no way.” The offense of the cross becomes the offense of “me.” It’s difficult to respect and be close to a person whose gospel is oneself.

Meek Vs. Passive

On the flip side, passivity can be an issue too. Much like an easygoing person, a passive person can easily allow all sorts of evil to happen around them, choosing to preserve themselves and their quiet state above speaking up for what’s right.

Don’t be mistaken: you can be a calm, quiet, and even a cautious person and be used for God’s glory. Gideon, anyone? Meekness isn’t the same as passivity. Instead, meekness is marked by humility and by a wisdom that recognizes that “every word is heard by God, so speak accordingly!”

Things to Do Now That You Aren’t Spending Every Minute Planning Your Wedding

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Wedding planning has a way of sucking you in. For weeks, months, and in some cases years, wedding planning is one of the first things the people you know ask you about. Your dates and time with your future husband just can’t seem to be enjoyed without some discussion or activity related to the big day.

So, now you’re married. What do you talk about? What do you do with all that free time together?

Here are a few ideas of things to do that might have been more challenging during the wedding planning!

1. Talk About Your Memories Instead of Your Future

As you planned for your wedding, you spent a lot of time looking ahead together and making plans for your future. That’s all begun. Enjoy looking back.

Looking for a good starting place? Think about the topics you discussed in pre-marital counseling (your personality types, your family history, your homemaking expectations,) and think in reverse!

For example, instead of discussing the ways you might need to alter your expectations, talk about the ways your husband has exceeded your expectations. Enjoy affirming each other, laughing at your past mistakes, and reflecting on the Lord’s work in your lives.

2. Everyday Stuff –Together

Is it weird that my husband and I like to grocery shop together? Or clean together? Okay, it is a little weird. But seriously, just enjoy that when you do that kind of everyday stuff, it’s for the both of you. For your shared home, based off your shared decisions. Appreciate that even if he hangs the laundry differently, you have a constant and oh-so-lovable partner in the mundane.

3. Relax in the Same Room, Doing Your Own Thing

Now that you get to come home to each other, fall asleep and wake up together, and otherwise enjoy sharing life, enjoy doing your own thing. For the rest of your lives, you get to sit on different sides of the room, reading your own books or whatever it is that you like to do-that’s a blessing. Every minute together doesn’t have to be focused on your relationship or preparing for your wedding. So relax and be at home in your home.

4. Visit Friends and Family

By your wedding day, you may have gotten sick of the questions: “how’s planning?”, “are you ready?”, “aren’t you sooo excited?” Fair questions, but again, weddings can kind of suck you in- and those you love, too.

Hang out with friends and family without talking dress choices or centerpieces. They were so involved in your big day for a reason –they’re valuable people in your life. Invite them over to enjoy your home. Use the pitcher they picked out as a wedding gift. It’s a whole new, thrilling thing to be hosts as husband and wife in your own home!

5. Stay Fit Together

Post-wedding, it’s tempting to let go of all that work you put into being in shape for each other on your wedding day. Look out for each other’s health and find a fitness niche you can share. Whether it’s a daily walk or a weekly trip to the gym, staying fit together is good for both of you and for your marriage.

6. Spend Time In the Sun

It might seem silly, but brides (and many bridesmaids) know that spending time in the sun pre-wedding can be a hassle. You have to be so vigilant about tan lines and burning. Now that your wedding dress has taken up residence in your closet, get out in the sun together.

7. Keep Up With Bible Time

Another pre-wedding thing a lot of couples do is follow devotionals as a part of pre-marital counseling. When it seems that you’re building up for something huge, it’s a little easier to be motivated to really commit everything to the Lord together.

Once the novelty of marriage wears off a bit, you settle into plenty of mundane things and largely adapt to married life patterns. Make shared time in the Word one of those patterns. Don’t save mutual prayer, study, and upbuilding for crises or for married small groups. God brought you together. Stay with Him to stay together and grow in marriage as He intends.

8. Get Involved Locally

After all that wedding stuff, you are finally married. Finally, you can just be together and have time together, just the two of you. It’s great. Don’t isolate yourselves, though. While you shouldn’t make plans every night of the week so that you never have time alone, do get involved locally, in your church, and with those you love.

Make commitments, share the gifts the Lord has given you, and feel free to do it together. “Hiding the light under the basket” –the two of you instead of one, is still not right (Luke 8:16). You’re knit together in the Lord for His glory!

Busted: “I’m Losing My Best Friend” And Other Married-Friend Myths

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You might think that telling your friends and family that you’re getting married would be really exciting and result in a whole lot of celebrating. Sometimes, though, the people you love react more like you’re breaking bad news to them.

Often loved ones who have bad reactions to your engagement and marriage are operating under a few false assumptions based on popular “married-friend” myths.

Bust the myths and speak the truth lovingly:

1. “I’m Losing My Best Friend”

Although popular (and humorous!) songs suggest otherwise (see: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQ5CIr0NOs4) weddings are not funerals for the bride and groom.

Healthy friendships don’t end because marriages begin.

If you have a friend who feels like she is losing you because you’re getting married, it’s time to have a real discussion about the value you place on her friendship and on what you believe true friendship is about.

2. “Your Husband Will Now Be Privy to My Private Life”

Keeping secrets from your spouse isn’t a great idea. However, chances are that your spouse doesn’t need to know that your friend is on her period. A lot of guys don’t even want to know about your friend’s relationship woes or inner struggles –they care because you do, and they don’t need the details.

Let your friend know that while you absolutely love talking and sharing with you husband, especially about stuff you care about (i.e. your friends!) you respect her privacy. If she wants to talk about something and feels the need for privacy, ask her to let you know that that is the case so that you don’t accidentally betray her confidence (Proverbs 11:13).

3. “Now That You’ve Got It Figured Out, You Have to HELP Me”

“Figured Out.” What a phrase! Relationships are messy and are only “figured out” according to the Lord’s plans (which happen to be individual…to each individual). Getting married doesn’t mean that you stop caring and supporting your friends, including in their relationships. It also doesn’t mean you know everything, so humbly admit your own faults and struggles to come alongside your pals (Galatians 6:2).

4. “We’ll Never Have Time Together Again”

Marriage will affect your schedule, but it shouldn’t consume your life. You’ll still have time. Ask your friends for patience and grace as you spend the rest of your days working out the whole shared-schedule part of marriage, but make it clear to them and to your fiancée that committed relationships (plural!) are priorities to you. Scripture is clear that fellowship, being there for others, and encouraging others in the Lord is vital, and that goes beyond spousal love.

5. “You Are Now In a Different Stage of Life Than I Am”

Yes, marriage changes a lot, influences you greatly, etc. It’s a gift and one that effects a lot in life. But marriage is not a “stage.” Stages are phases and seasons –they come and go. Marriage is a commitment for the rest of your life.

When you are married, you will have some topics and challenges that your single friends might not. That doesn’t make you better or more advanced, and it certainly doesn’t diminish your ability to lovingly care for and grow together. Growing in the Lord is your call and a journey best shared with others, married or not (2 Peter 3:18).

6. “If I’m Not Included/Invited to the Wedding, We’re Not That Close”

Your wedding is your’s and your fiancee’s. It can be shocking to find out how many other people believe they should have a say –and the kind of say others think they should have. Who gets invited can be a hot topic, but that’s up to you.

Since healthy friendships should not revolve around obligation, manipulation, or some sort of contract, consider it a warning sign that something in a friendship needs to be addressed in love and grace if a friend tries to influence your guest list.

7. “The Pressure Is On: I MUST Get Married”

It’s really tough to watch people around you embracing parts of life that you want to (or feel like you should) embrace as well. But the Lord’s plans and timing are different for everyone.

Show compassion, but also share wisdom: did you “do something” that magically got you married to a great man, or did the Lord provide? Does the Lord only provide what we need when we, based on works, qualify ourselves? Nope. Pray with your friend for his or her longings or feelings of not “keeping up,” but be clear that it’s best to wait on the Lord (Proverbs 3:5, Psalm 27:14).

8. Everything’s Gonna Be Weird Now

Not totally a myth. Marriage can be weird. It can be awkward to have friends over to your new, shared space. Sometimes, it might be weird to be talking about a challenge you face in marriage to friends who are single, or even friends who are married. Your marriage is between the Lord, you, and your spouse, and that’s new. It’s a one-of-a-kind relationship, and the Lord intends it to be the only relationship of its sort.

So, yes, sorting out marriage and friendship stuff can be a little weird. But it doesn’t make “everything” awkward. Marriage isn’t designed to put you into quarantine. If you’re unsure of how your friends feel about certain changes that you have reasonable control over, ask them.

Talk it over. You’re all still people, still sinners, still in need of grace, and still growing (Romans 3:23-24).

5 Signs He Really Is “Mr. Right”

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You’ve fallen in love. You’re in a relationship. Maybe you’re engaged.

But you have doubts. We all do. Is he worth it? Will it work out? Is he really the guy you think he is? Is he right for you?

Something I’ve learned is that you can’t be fully prepared or “know what you’re getting into” when you get married. But you can know that he’s worth it. You’ll know that by the way the Lord has clearly given him to you.

Signs like these demonstrate that the Lord is joining you together- what better tailor to fit you together than the Lord?

1. He Isn’t What You Expected

We all dream about our “Mr. Right.” It’s normal to have an idea –a type, even. But when it comes to the Lord’s provision, we’re often surprised.

Your beau is part of the Lord’s provision, and that probably means he isn’t what you expected. There’s a good reason for that: many of the expectations we develop on our own are about us and what we like!

You can dream all day long about the wonderful things he’ll do that you love. But you probably aren’t thinking about the things he’ll love about you. Chances are haven’t wistfully daydreamed about his weaknesses, his family’s background, or the things that have shaped him most. Further- did you imagine all the ways he would challenge you? Because being challenged is part of helping each other grow (Proverbs 27:17).

When you grow in love with your guy, you get to deal with a lot of “unexpecteds.” That’s part of love, life, and growth. It keeps things interesting and helps you to remember that he’s his own person, made and loved by the Lord, on a journey that’s unique to him. That’s good!

2. His “Resume” Doesn’t Compare to His Character

Have you ever made a checklist of things you’d like to “have in a husband?” Or met a guy and then told your friends how he would be perfect for you because he…likes the same things, has similar values, is going to be a_____….yeah. You know how it goes.

But here’s the thing: over time, you guy’s “resume” is going to change. It’s going to shift. And it’s only going to qualify him for performing certain tasks.

What matters much, much more, is his character. Is he a man of integrity? That will matter more when challenges come up than his love of basketball. Does he have immense compassion? You’ll appreciate that in an argument more than his intellect. Talent is a gift, but it’s a means to an end.

The Lord looks at the heart, have you? (1 Samuel 16:7)

3. You Two Have Argued –and Argued Well

Fighting is inevitable. It’s a part of marriage you can’t avoid. The good news is that arguments can be constructive. Through respectful disagreement, you can truly sharpen each other and grow in the Lord.

Unfortunately, many couples get so enthralled with the lovey-feelings that they never really argue before they commit for life. So, when arguments inevitable arise, the couple faces questions like “is this worth it?”, “Is there something wrong with us?”, “is our marriage over?” and “does he/she still love me?”

One of the most valuable things you can do before deciding to spend your life with a guy is to fight with him. When you disagree, let him know. When you think “well, that will change…” tackle it then and there instead. Talk about your tempers and examine your argument styles. In the process, figure out if he is someone that you can respectfully challenge and work things out with. Can you be angry at each other without turning to or driving each other to sin? (Ephesians 4:26)

4. Neither of You Feel Like You Have to Try to be Enough

When you face challenges or look for happiness, do you feel like he is responsible for your joy or for finding solutions? Does it seem like he expects you to fill in for his mom or make everything better or live up to some wild expectations?

It’s easy in love to take on responsibilities that aren’t yours. In the process, you displace the rightful place of the Lord in your lives and your relationship (Proverbs 3:5). Consider whether or not your beau ultimately relies on God, and if he encourages you to do the same. Entering a relationship founded on the dysfunctional patterns of dependency on each other instead of God is reckless and can have a lot of painful consequences.

5. When You Talk About Him, You End Up Talking About the Lord

If you are talking to your parents, family, or friends about your beau, what do you have to say? Is your love the kind of man that propels conversation to the love of the Lord and the Lord’s work?

Men of God exhibit fruits of the Spirit. They are in the Word, and they submit to the Lord’s leading in their lives. If you’ve found a man of God, you won’t be able to share much about Him without sharing about the one who has his heart!

Does he:

• Shine the light of Christ before others? (Matthew 5:16)
• Rightly handle the Word of truth? (2 Timothy 2:15)
• Exhibit the fruit of the Spirit? (Galatians 5:22)
• Make the best use of time? (Colossians 4:5)

On Not Being Bridezilla: What’s Selfish, What’s Not -Part II

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Ever heard of people referring to someone as “Bridezilla” for disagreeing with their mom or their bridesmaids’ opinions? Just watch a popular wedding show, like “Say Yes to the Dress” and you’ll get to see that brides are often considered selfish for knowing what they want and saying so –especially when loved ones have other ideas.

For the Christian bride, this sort of scenario can be especially precarious. As believers, we know that putting others first, seeking wise counsel, and honoring others are all important. Many Christian brides are so concerned with being “selfless” and “peaceable” not just so that they aren’t called Bridezilla but also so that they glorify God in all things, including wedding planning.

But here’s the thing:

SELFISH: Letting Everyone Walk All Over You

Sounds backwards, right? It isn’t. When you let people walk all over you, you’re giving up the person and the will that the Lord gave you. You’re allowing fear of others or a desire to please others to dominate your decisions. In the process, you might gain the unnecessary approval of people and might be freed from responsibilities that are by all rights yours.

Expecting or allowing others to be responsible for your happiness –or your unhappiness- sets other people as masters over you. “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” –Galatians 1:10

When you allow others to control you or make decisions for you, you run into a whole lot of selfishness in your heart. You may experience, for example, the selfish sensation of pride (because you think you are so selfless.) It’s common to start feeling as if others owe things to you because you’ve given so much to them –another form of selfish gain.

UnSELFISH: Setting Godly Boundaries

Boundaries were created by God. When He created human beings, with free wills and individual identities, God created boundaries as well. He respects boundaries and teaches us concerning boundaries as we learn to speak the truth in love (rather than agreeing at all costs.) We’re told to guard our hearts, to work diligently while minding our own affairs, and to be mastered by no one but our Lord.

Setting Godly boundaries can be challenging –especially when you’re planning a wedding alongside loved ones and entering the first part of unifying yourself with one person for forever.  The sad news is these boundary challenges are just the beginning.

You will be responsible, throughout your life, for establishing, upholding, and respecting Godly boundaries. As you enter marriage, form a new family, raise children, and follow God’s plans for your life in ministry, in friendship, in a career, and in many other spaces, you will need to know how to have your “yes” be “yes” and your “no” be “no” (Matthew 5:37).

Practice saying “no” lovingly and respectfully as you plan for your wedding.

On Not Being Bridezilla: What’s Selfish, What’s Not -PART I

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You want to be a bride that glorifies the Lord. That means not being selfish, prideful, or greedy.

However, it isn’t God-honoring to do everything just to please other people. The Lord has given you your personality, your desires, and your own preferences. It’s not wrong to speak up when it comes to planning your own wedding.

At the same time, you don’t want to be “bridezilla.” It’s a fine line to walk.

Over the next few days, I’ll post some tips for figuring out if you’re falling into the trap of selfishness and for tuning your heart to the Lord while planning:

SELFISH: Treating Your Fiancée Like a Prop

Some grooms couldn’t care less about their wedding colors, flowers, or decorations. Others want to help pick everything out. Whatever the case with your fiancée, remember that it is his wedding too!

He probably has opinions about something wedding-related, like who is invited or what is read during the ceremony. Be sure to include him as you make decisions so that your wedding celebrates the marriage of two, not just you.

UnSELFISH: Keeping Your Fiancée In The Loop

Every guy is different in his attitude towards wedding planning, but there are some general “types”:

• The “whatever makes you happy” groom who is happy for your every decision
• The “what can I do?” groom who wants you to plan but will help as requested
• The “my wedding too!” groom who expects to be involved in all of the planning
• The “just do it” groom who would rather you and your friends and relatives figure it all out

Get ready to practice for marriage. You’re going to experience a whole lot of sharpening each other by identifying the strengths and weakness of each other’s attitudes. For every “type” of wedding-planning fiancée, there are challenges and benefits.

It isn’t selfish to ask your beau to help out more. At the same time, it’s isn’t selfish to work out compromises with the very-involved fiancée. Just because it’s more common for guys to have no wedding opinions doesn’t mean that their every opinion or preference is more important than yours.

As you and your future hubby plan the wedding, make sure it’s a team effort. That will look different for everyone, but it’s an important part of ensuring that your wedding isn’t just about you.

5 Fun (and appropriate!) Bachelorette Party Games

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Unfortunately, a lot of classic bachelorette party games rely on alcohol to pull out laughs and sexual discussion or innuendo for giggles. There’s no need to devolve into inappropriate activity to have a good time celebrating an upcoming wedding.

Try out these 5 fun and appropriate games that don’t overstep the bounds of intimacy.

1. Bridal Bands

Ever heard of Hedbanz? It’s a guessing game in which everyone at a party wears a headband with a card in it. You can’t see the card in your own headband, but you try to figure out what your card says by talking with other people. Of course, no one can tell you directly what your card says. You can also play the game by taping notes to people’s backs instead of using headbands.

In this “Bridal Bands” version of the game, the host creates cards for every guest to wear but not read. Each card must feature the title of a popular love song. As each guest mingles and attempts to guess what song title their own card says, those they are talking to must not say any of the words in the title, reference the artist or genre, hum the tune, or otherwise directly state the lyrics.

This game is a great icebreaker at parties, gets everyone thinking, talking, and laughing about love-related topics, and it’s punny too! (Do you get the pun?)

2. Mr. and Mrs. MadLibs

Simple and bound to get everyone giggling, Mr. and Mrs. Madlibs are easy to make and to play all together in a big group. Only one person has to fill in the blanks, so it’s perfect for playing on the go or while doing something else, like getting nails done or munching on appetizers.

Just type up a few creative, descriptive stories about the future Mr. and Mrs., like the story of how they met, what a day in their married life might look like, or a funny experience they shared. Then, take out several nouns, verbs, and adjectives and leave blank, labelled spaces to fill in instead.

Have party guests and the bride call out verbs, adjectives, and nouns as requested. When the blanks are filled in, read the *revised* edition of the story.

3. Pin the Veil

Yep, pin the tail on the donkey isn’t just for kids. For this game, print an enlarged photo of the bride and hang it on the wall. Print and cut out additional pictures (or cut out images from magazines) of common bridal attire and accessories like a veil, shoes, and a necklace. Blindfold one guest at a time, spin her around in circles, and then have her attempt to tape the cut out items on the photo of the bride.

For extra laughs, have the bride pose for a few funny photos or pick a few of your favorites of her. After one guest is blindfolded, change out the picture of the bride. Repeat for each blindfolded guest in order to really keep everyone guessing as they “dress” the bride.

4. Best Dress

When you send out bachelorette party invites, ask each guest to bring a goofy accessory along. Suggestions might include a funny hair piece, a weird scarf, or a piece of costume jewelry. The more creative and wacky, the better!

Provide guests with rolls of toilet paper, strands of cloth, loose ribbons, and any other decorative materials you can think of. Using these items and the accessories that the guests brought, make it a team challenge to craft the bride a fantastic mock-wedding gown.

Bonus points if you send her groom “sneak peek” photos of her wedding attire!

5. How You Met the Bride

It’s really common for people at a bachelorette party to be unfamiliar with each other. Some guests might only know the bride! Even if most guests are acquaintances, it’s unlikely that everyone has talked about the first time they met the bride.

So take the opportunity to laugh and “aw” about everyone’s first impressions of the bride. This game is great for bonding, sweet nostalgia, and plenty of laughs.

Before guests arrive, prepare an index card for each of them. Write a “category” on the back of each card and “that reminds you of the bride.” For example, on the back of two cards, write “food that reminds you of the bride” and on three other cards, write “animal that reminds you of the bride.”

When guests arrive, have each of them write on the card about the first time they met the bride. Be sure to have the guests describe not just how they met, but their first impression of the bride. They can be vague if they would like, but must be honest. On the other side of the card, have the guests fill in their “category” answer.

During the party, hand the bride the cards and have her guess who wrote what. She only gets two guesses per card. If she guesses correctly, the guest who wrote the card must stand up and make up a poem or song about the “category” answer provided.

For example, Amanda might write about meeting the bride at church and thinking she was really weird. If the category she receives is “food,” she may write that the bride reminds her of avocado. If the bride guesses “Amanda” correctly, Amanda must immediately make up a song or poem about the bride that describes her avocado-like traits.

5 Reasons Premarital Counseling is Important

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Whether or not the church you are getting married in or the pastor who is marrying you requires it, it’s really important to get pre-marital counseling.

Sure, pre-marital counseling sounds uncomfortable and unnecessary. Why make a problem where there isn’t one? And it can be awkward to sit and talk to someone about your intimate, personal intentions and romantic relationship.

But premarital counseling is worth it.

Reason #1: To Keep A Right Perspective during the Wedding Hoopla

Wedding preparations can suck you into a vacuum. They’re fun, exciting, and possibly dramatic. It’s hard not to get emotional about a lot of things during the engagement period.

Unfortunately, getting too caught up in the wedding hoopla can cause you to lose a right perspective about marriage, your spouse, your loved ones, and even yourself. That’s normal, but it’s not necessary.

In pre-marital counseling, you get a break from planning every meticulous detail of your big wedding day in order to focus on planning for the rest of your days together. You’ll talk about the feelings, expectations, concerns, and strategies that you need to work out together for a healthy, lasting relationship –because a life together is the point of getting married, not the wedding!

Reason #2: To Start Your Support System Early

Marriage can be challenging. There’s no way around that. You’re going to disagree, be disappointed in each other, and hurt each other. When that happens, you need a trusted, godly support system. Imagine if part of your support system is a person (or several persons!) who have witnessed firsthand your love for each other and who have, all along, been supporting your relationship.

Often potential marital issues are exposed in pre-marital counseling. Your counselor will hear about it, and give you advice for dealing with the issues. When you experience those issues in marriage, you’ll have someone that you both know you can talk to.

Reason #3: To Learn From the Wisdom of Godly Examples

Scripture is full of encouragement for those who are older to set good examples for those who are younger. Check out Titus 2 for an example. As a younger, engaged person, draw on the people the Lord has given as witnesses through pre-marital counseling.

Through pre-marital counseling, you and your fiancée intentionally commit to seeking godly counsel and to learning from the wisdom and example of people who have been in a god-honoring marriage for a long time.

Reason #4: To Prevent Common Marital Problems

There are a few common matters that become big issues in marriage. Money, sex, the division of household tasks, communication, and relationships with others (especially families and in-laws!) are major sources of marital strife.

Rather than waiting for your martial struggles to become so difficult that you have to seek marriage counseling, enter pre-marital counseling with the goal of nipping issues in the bud.

Find a pre-marital counselor who offers you resources like questionnaires and books that will help you to identify together the issues that are likely to affect your marriage specifically. By helping you to talk through unhealthy patterns or possible problems before they get ugly, your pre-marital counseling will help you to approach your spouse for years to come with the confidence that you are aware of problems and you are both working to resolve them as a team.

Reason #5: To Turn Your Relationship Over to God –Together

Pre-marital counseling can expose a lot of undesired things in your’s and your fiancee’s hearts. An unwillingness to even attempt counseling can signify pride, insecurity, and commitment issues, for a start.

Once in counseling, you both have to commit to seriously looking at your relationship and working to set yourselves up for a healthy, godly marriage. That takes humility and requires you both to surrender some stuff to God because, if you’re honest in counseling, you’ll find that there is nothing you can do on your own to make your marriage last.

Love, commitment, passion –these all wax and wane over time. What will keep your marriage stable and worthwhile is your unity in the Lord. Pre-marital counseling will help you to see that in living color and encourage you –together- to turn your relationship and your marriage over to God’s perfect, sovereign will.